I'm about to go to my parent's condo in FL for a week with Matt, our only real vacation this year, and I'm treating myself to a pedicure and possibly a few other spa treatments.  I DO NOT want to end up at some backwoods Florida chop shop where I'll possible get fungus place less than sanitary, so I'm doing some online searching and found a couple reputable looking spas in the area (which, just in case you're wondering, is approximately in the middle of no where).  So, for my future reference, these are the links--but if you feel like looking, hey, all the better, and tell me if you think they look reasonably priced, insanely cheap, expensive, etc and what YOU would get if you were going ;)

http://www.serenitydayspacitrus.com/services.asp

http://www.aparisdayspa.com/page/page/4573474.htm

My other option is to wait until we drive into Tampa one day, but I'm afraid I'll wind up paying considerably more for the, you know, big city spa experience ;)

Fuck it. 
I did it.
I removed my coworkers and the previous set of addresses of the customer who sent the Revelation email, and then I copied and pasted every last address into my email and sent the snopes links on their merry way.  I just felt horrified at how MANY people were reading and forwarding this trash as though it were gospel, quite literally.  I fully expect to get hate mail, which I will of course post here.  But at least I can feel as though I did my part in spreading the freakin' TRUTH--whether any of them wants to hear it, or cares, remains to be seen.  This way, though, there is no pleading ignorance allowed, and maybe one or two of them will pass it along.

Hopefully the hate mail will at least be amusing.

And also, via anne_jumps: This did, in fact, amuse me greatly :

Cautious Optimist is a phrase that may as well be stamped on my forehead--I'm very much a "hope for the best, plan for the worst" kind of girl.  And of all the places in my life that this phrase is applicable, no where is it more relevant than our upcoming presidential election.  Oh, how I long for my dreamy candidate of change to triumph, for our county to prove we can take a huge step forward, that we are not a land full of backwards, phobic, rednecks.  And then, I open my email.

Yeah.  I got the "Book of Revelations" email.  I'm sure you've seen it.  A laundry list of *very bad things*, all attributed to Muslim Extremists between the ages of 17 and 40, and then, of course, the completely misconstrued passage from the Bible saying, hey, y'all, the Anti-Christ will be a Muslim Extremist between the ages of 17 and 40, and GUESS WHAT??? You're about to elect him president!!! OMGWTF!!!!

*GRRRSTRANGLEFUMINGRAGEIGNORANCEACKK*

To make matters worse, this came from a coworker (whom I like very much and is for the most part just a simple country girl who didn't think before she forwarded), and was forwarded to half a dozen other people we work with.  Maybe I should have just deleted it and gone on with my day, but I just CAN'T LET THAT SHIT GO.  So I replied thusly:


That was a "reply ALL" by the way, so everyone she forwarded it on to got the message as well.  And of course it caused a stir and of course she was asked not to send political emails at work anymore, and that's fine--it wasn't really a reprimand so much as a suggestion to think about what is appropriate.  And even though it's been hours and all is well, I still can't stop thinking about how fucking stupid that email is.  I did not reply to the 7 pages worth of other forwarded addresses that were below hers, ONLY because the person who sent it to her is a customer, and we will all be better served if I KEEP my job rather than lose it over the Obama Revelations email, but DAMN do I wish I could.  Can't these people learn to check facts before randomly believing stupid shit from the friggin' INTERNET?  THIS is where the cautious part of my optimism comes into play--I want to have faith in humanity, but OH. GOD. do they make it hard to do so.

Truly, this has very little to do with my own political offiliation--I'd like to think that if I got a McCain email filled with lies, I'd snope that too.  I snope ALL forwards I get--whether about Obama or serial killers or bonsai kittens--and yes, I usually send them back with links to the people who sent them to me.  Always as politely as possible, but firmly stating that what they are spreading is UNTRUE.  Because the Optimist part of me likes to think that maybe they just didn't realize....

But isn't that kind of THEIR job, not mine?  To educate themselves, not believe what they are spoonfed until I come along to educate them instead?  FUCK.  There's that cautious side again. 

I hope he can win. I hope I'm wrong about the world outside my door.  It's just that it seems like there's so damn many of them not using their fucking heads...

This morning I woke to a completely swollen face, congested head, and dried up crackly sinuses.  Worst day of allergies this year.

Happy Birthday.

The dream I was having when I woke up?  I was back in high school (a senior with a few months to go), I had just had a falling out with my best friend, who then moved away, and everyone else I knew sided with her, so I had essentially become a social outcast, and...I had terminal cancer of some sort. 

Happy Birthday.

WTF, y'all.

Here's hoping my day improves.

I am almost as rapturously in love with the soundtrack to "Deathproof" as I am with the movie itself.

"Down in Mexico" by the Coasters is so bad ass it makes me want to give lap dances.

 It's only 9 am and I'm already having a work day that makes me want to have someone executed.
People, I have just two things to request from you-- BE SPECIFIC and THOROUGH when asking me about pipe pricing and availability on stuff you are about to order.  DON'T, let's say, ask  about "10" 18 purple, 12" , and 6" 14 blue", have me give you the info, and then place your order for 12" 14 blue when I quoted you 12" 18 purple, because, dammit, that's what it looked like you asked for! Nor should you, when you've asked about those three items, send me an order for FIVE, two of which we never discussed, and then act surprised that those two items aren't in stock.  YOU DIDN'T EVEN CHECK.

Matt and Cortney Say Happy New Year!

EVERY one will be doing this any minute now.  I laughed my ass off.  That's the Hammontrees, y'all!

And just for the sake of thoroughness, here's Me and Matt and my brother and his girlfriend Ryn, who got this whole mess started.

The House is all but paid for.  We close on Friday, actually.  Less than two weeks from offer to closing, because we are bat shit insane, that's why.  Our original closing date was Halloween, but we even managed to move that up, again, due to the insanity.  2631 Blue Meadow Lane will be our new home starting this weekend.

The truth is I never expected the whole thing to move this quickly.  We have barely packed.  A good bit of the Avondale house is boxed up, but not a bit of the Yorkshire house, unless you count the wedding gifts we've never had the chance/space to unpack.  To say I'm losing it is a gross understatement.  But I'm happy, really really giddy even, at the thought of living in this new house.  I looooooove this new house, despite it being absolutely nothing like what we started out looking for.  That's okay, you know your new home when you see it, and here we are.  And due to some sort of karmic gift from the universe, we don't have to rush it, we get to move out of the other houses at our own pace, which I'm sure will pick up the minute I realize I could be spending every second in the Blue Meadow house.  It's all I can do to keep from licking the floors and hugging the walls of my new gorgeous office.  It will be all I can do to keep from immediately decorating it for Christmas.  That'll happen soon enough, though...

I can't wait for you guys to see it.  Unfortunately, we'll all have to wait, as I have totally misplaced my camera battery charger.  I'm sure it will turn up in the move......

Rock.
I'm going to throw up now.

My elation over shiny white vinyl siding is almost dampened by the effects of living in the midst of construction detritus.  It's funny, these guys never tell me when they're leaving for the day, and they're running the saws and their radio (WIMZ Classic Rock, of course) off an extension cord running from inside my house and out the back door, so I'll just look up at some point and the truck is no longer in the driveway, but the radio is still blasting, and when I step hesitantly outside with the two devastatingly worried dogs (more on them another time), it always looks as though they dropped their shit and ran in a hurry.  I unplug the radio and wander out in the yard while the dogs sniff everything, almost always catching a corner piece of scrap siding on my big toe, and I just  m a r v e l....

In addition to the radio and circular saw, all still plugged in, just sitting out in the elements, their tool belts are just casually tossed in the gravel driveway, anything that ever existed on my patio is just chillin' in the grass, and I swear to you, this afternoon there was a coke can and an empty back of Basics sitting in my birdbath.  And I have to resist the urge to go grab at least their toolbelts, because, Hey, I don't actually spend my nights here, and I can't imagine how tempting they would seem to any passerby on my street.  Remember, I had someone try to steal my wheels off my car while I sat in my living room and watched TV.  Now no one's home and it's like, hey, free tools!  But, well, I guess their faith in humanity is more profound than mine?  Or they have some kind of insurance I'm not aware of?  Anyway, it freaks my responsible side out to no end, and I leave here every afternoon with my stomach in knots, though I surely can't claim any responsibility.  Here's hoping no one wants to go through the trouble, for their tools or my weedwhacker.  They can have that crappy wicker furniture, I'm throwing that out anyway...

I cannot express in words the amount of *squee* I feel over a 10 day forecast with not ONE SINGLE DAY IN THE 90S!  Today's high? 79!  I feel faint...

Matt's birthday was yesterday, and for his present I made a "Pub Basket"-- a month or so ago he had seen this, and since a) he loves any drink with Guiness , and b) he (rather oddly) loves any kitchen utensil that also looks like an animal, he fawned over it for quite a while, so I remembered and bought it for his birthday.  I then subsequently built a basket around it with pub snacks and Brittish biscuits and candy from Wold Market.  Of course, being his wife and all, I intended on sharing, and last night while we watched "Hot Fuzz" I ate a piece or two of candy, specifically these from Tilley's.  Let me just say, while I liked the Rosy Apples a lot, the Rhubarb and Custard were absolute perfection!  I mean, honestly I don't know how many Americans can identify the taste of rhubarb, but buddy I can, and these are spot on for it's flavor.  Then the custard part mellows it all out, and if you suck on them and don't crunch (tempting, of course), they last for-freakin'-ever.  I highly recommend these little buggers, and I can't wait to try the pear drops and sherbert lemons.

You are all well versed with my love for Paula Deen, long before she was a Food Network SuperStar (TM).  When Nat and I saw her at the Women's Expo here in town years ago, she gave me one of my favorite quotes--an audience member asked her what her favorite food was, and she just laughed and said, "Honey, you don't ask a fat girl what she likes to eat!  Isn't it obvious I like everything?"

But on this afternoon's re-run, I got my new favorite Paula quote.  She was pouring an entire stick of melted butter over a biscuit crust on a chicken pot pie, and she sort of half-sighed and said, "You know, I use a lot of butter..."  And just as I was thinking, you're damned right you do, Paula, she looked up into the camera and said with an O' Hara-worthy southern lilt,  "...because I can.  Just because I can."

Okay, on a happy note to distract from my house whining, check this out!

I was being cool like the other kids and google-ing my name, particularly since it changed recently, and I figured it would be neat to see if there are other Cortney Halls (since there have never been other Cortney Hammontrees.  Incidentally, there are SEVERAL Cortney Halls).  Anyway, I googled the ol' Hammontree name too, because, you know, sometimes new things show up, and lo and behold, I find this.

I had just about forgotten I'd even entered.  I don't read Taste of Home, but my Gramma made me enter the contest.  Good call.  So, a cash prize would have been *nice*, but I'll take being published on their web site as an honorable mention anyway! 

Interiors later this week, I'm told.  *sigh*

I have, completely by accident, stumbled upon my dream home, for sale, here in Knoxville, in my dream neighborhood.  It's been on the market 4 whole days.  Unfortunately, there is no way we could ever afford it.  Barring the lotto win, of course.  I know, because I have been playing with the mortgage calculator.  Actually, let's see, IF I could convince Matt to finance for 30 years instead of 15, and IF we could lock in an interest rate around 6%, and IF we could somehow, magically, manage to come up with a down payment of about $85,000, then TECHNICALLY we could afford it, if we're abiding by the approximately-1/4-of-your-monthly-take-home rule for payments.  Hmmm, that's a lot of ifs.  My heart is totally broken.  Of course, I knew the minute I saw the place that we couldn't afford it, but it just sucks to have found it so early on in our house hunting process as well.  I mean, let's face it, from now on, every house I see I will compare to this one.  I just have to have faith that, someday, when we do have the kind of money it will take to buy this kind of place, another opportunity will present itself.  *sigh*  How much does a good kidney sell for on the black market, y'all?

All I really need in life is a project.  Even working on our household budget *spending plan*, which, let's face it, is hardly my cup of tea, can excite me if I find just the right Cortney angle.  So, I just spent the last hour designing a form for...wait for it...a "Monthly Spending Tally Sheet for Variable Items"!  Please, please, try to contain your excitement!

Seriously, though, it's funny how an arts and crafts background can work it's way into something I find as truly lame as personal finance (Matt, of course, is delighted with the mathematics of it all.  Me, snore.).  We decided that the best way to keep track of our multiple budget categories that aren't fixed costs like the mortgage, insurance, etc, was a cork board, push pins, envelopes, and a master list--all of which I am now in charge, hooray!  We didn't do so hot our first month where keeping up with exactly how much of the allotted "dining out", "clothing", etc,  money we spent, just a rough idea that we kept it under what we planned, since, you know, we had some money still--not that it's not a gigantically great first step--but it would be nice to be a bit more accurate.

So now I have a lovely sheet to tack up on the board, with our four main categories of variable expenses (groceries, dining out, gas, and clothes/house/misc) in columns, each divided into checkbook-style entry ledgers for what was spent and where, and the subtracted tally.  I'm sure it will still require some tweaking, and OMG, my anal husband will most certainly have "suggestions" for improving the worksheet (if for no other reason than he didn't design it himself), but I must say I'm pretty pleased with my handy work.

Now I'm off to decorate my bulletin board, tra la la...

Seriously, I know I've waxed rhapsodic over summer produce before. but it just can't get better than dinner last night.  I made Peanut-crusted Tilapia fillets, Summer Squash Souffle, and Baked Cherry Tomatoes with Feta and Basil in Garlic Oil.  Freakin' fantastic.  So good, in fact, that I must share recipes with all my veggie lovin' friends out there!